you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
