I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
