i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
