That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
