Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
