Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
