the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
