My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
