I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
