Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
