I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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