I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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