i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
