Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
