everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
