hotel room ftw
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
