people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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