Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
