did you get engaged???
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
