I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
