the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
