he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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