i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
God I need to hump something, right now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
