just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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