Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
