He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
