I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
