Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
