Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you will always have a special place in my vag
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
