i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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