I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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