once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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