Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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