At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
