Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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