she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
