White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
