Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
