i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
