i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
