There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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