Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
false alarm. still invincible.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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