me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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