I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
