Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is wine microwaveable?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
