so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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