when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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