I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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