naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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