I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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