It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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