perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
