Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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