OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
